4:38 pm. Gate B102, Guangzhou Airport, Guangdong, China. Among other people, mostly Chinese, waiting for their flights. Listening to Brian Littrell's “Welcome Home”. Starting today until the next 34 days I will be in China, doing a project in Zhanjiang City, also in Guangdong.

I found myself reminiscing the last few days. I thought about the last two years of my life. As I remember the most important events of those two years, I now know that those two years formed the most important moments of my life to date. A lot transpired over those two years, I experienced a lot of new things, and I experienced coming to the highest and lowest points in my life. I know I am molded a lot by the deep emotional journey that I undertook.

But zooming at present, despite the richness of my experience over those two years, I somehow feel lost. I feel like I haven't gone anywhere. I feel like in some way or another, I was not able to make the most of those two years. Now I ask myself where I am headed. The days are passing by quite quickly. I am growing older, but still not having a clue as to what to precisely do with my life. I am now desperate for guidance.

Of course I am certain that whatever it is that I will do with my life, it will be done for God. Right now I must admit that I also feel lost with my walk in faith. I don't know what to exactly do next. I really don't know…

I am hoping to really find God while I am here in China. Those who can, please help pray for me.

My God and my Creator, my Father, my best friend, my everything…let me find You…

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My 15th day of fasting found me at Wendy’s… Hush now, I also believe there is something wrong with that sentence. Let me explain. I am now fasting because I am seeking God, His will, and His provision. For my fasting I only eat crackers for dinner. But depending on the situation I modify that a bit, for example, when I am obliged to eat outside, I eat fries instead. On this specific night I also decided to eat fries, because I have quite a mouth sore, and the fried potatoes prove to be less painful (you know how Skyflakes can be when chewed). That explains why fasting and Wendy’s found themselves in the same sentence.

But kidding aside, that dinner at Wendy’s gave me some time to ponder on what to write about this time. People were few, and the window view gave me a setting where I can do some thinking. Hillsong’s “Made Me Glad” came to mind:

You are my shield, my strength, my portion, deliverer
My shelter, strong tower, my very present help in times of need

That chorus alone tells us the different roles God chose to fill in in our lives. I know a lot of us can relate to how God was those and more to us at one or more points in our lives. I remember my work trip to Singapore, where I had to contend with harsh work environment, adjustments to people, and more. But He delivered me from them. Truly God’s steadfast love for us enables us to be blessed by all that He chose to do for each of us.

Life can be so hard and chaotic. Thinking about it, we humans have a lot to contend with in the course of our lives. The basic necessity to survive and secure a good future pushes us to strive hard to earn a living; the need to be loved and valued can make relationships stressfully complicated; and the uncertainty of everything throws us tremendously off-balance. I don’t know how these thoughts find their specific meaning in your lives, but on my part, sad to say, I have experienced being burdened by them.

But looking at the very nature of God made me realize this:

No matter what circumstance we are in, His love remains.

Whatever is happening in our lives we can all stand still and remember He is God, He is in control of our lives, everything will be fine in His way. It is my hope that we can all live that truth in our lives. That no matter what happens, we can stay calm, and still smile, for our Lord will never forsake us.

Let me sum this up with this verse from Isaiah (26:4):

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock Eternal.

May God’s grace, mercy, peace, joy, and love be upon us always.

When my heart was grived
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with You;
You hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
And afterward You will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And earth has nothing I desire beside You.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart
And my portion forever.

Psalm 73:21-26

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise Him,
my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:11